Not too sure why I'm writing on this thing, I hardly write in my own journal but it might help to vent a little and get some responses.

I'm frustrated.

I'm frustrated that I am stuck in a rut that I cannot get out of. I'm of course the only one to get myself out of it and because of that I'm even more frustrated.

Everyone around me is working towards something, doing something they love, have a family, are married or having babies. Me? I'm working in retail (hate it), and when people ask what I would love to do my mind goes blank. I look on job sites and NOTHING catches my attention. I look in papers, on school sites, nothing.... I've never gotten alot of A's and I'm slow at learning, I don't limit myself when I say that alot of things don't interest me, or I couldn't ever do, b/c it's true.

This sounds all so sad and lame but it's true. And so I'm stuck. I'm stuck at enjoying my friend's lives and having fun through them, but when I stop to look at my own life I get embarrassed and would like to just run away from how pathetic it is.

I think sometimes that maybe all there is out there is just to get married and have babies...look after someone other than me, b/c then I wouldn't have to pull my hair out trying to make myself happy. Simple enough but it's not my heart. I want to do that b/c it's the easiest way out but I can't. I'm not ready. But what the heck do I do? Why can't I just get up and go? Be a random traveler like my cousin? Write beautifully and intelligently like my brother? Scrap book and be super creative like my sister? Be musical, talented, embrace life for what it is like my other sister?

I'm me, but who the freak out is that? And why am I so stuck?